Future Facts: Particle Accelerators


You guys were sadly ignorant when you thought particle accelerators had to be huge. Didn’t you fools know that you could have just made them tremendously small instead? Making them small uses a lot less energy, is a lot less expensive, and actually gets the job done easier that way!

Why Did You Primitive Folk Insist On Making Your Particle Accelerators So Huge? For Comparison, That Cross Section Would Be The Size Of A Cheerio In Our Time

Also, your LHC was nice but the reason it kept breaking down was because it kept transporting parts of itself into the future. It’s kind of hard to operate when some of its pieces are separated by decades of time! It was very cute that you guys were persistent in making the LHC work but also very annoying as parts of it would show up in my coffee!

Probably the most annoying thing that you antiquated folk do not realize is that you need a wave and particle accelerator working both simultaneously. By the way, you guys clearly do not understand quantum mechanics. You’ll soon discover where you went wrong when you start doing triple slit experiments.

If you use the wave-particle accelerator, you can achieve smaller accelerator sizes. In the year 2049, our wave-particle accelerators are so small that we wear them as decorative jewelry. It’s both fashionable and practical since we’re looking good while discovering ever newer, and more mysterious exotic matter. I don’t mean to spoil the future too much for you but by 2045, fashion and physics are no longer separate fields.

This may upset you particle physicists but once you find the God particle, you’ll spend years trying to convince skeptics about its existence. One day while you’re searching for the God particle, it will show up in the subjective area of the particle detector. The skeptics will keep pressing you to show hard evidence but you’ll tell them that they’ll just have to take you’re word for it since it was also detected in the faith area of the accelerator. This will just make them annoyed at you. This may sound frustrating but it will something you’ll have to deal with.

There was a lot of paranoia around your time the LHC might create microblackholes that swallow up your planet. This would be true if it wasn’t for anti-micro-black holes that also formed with micro-black holes and thus cancelled them out. Don’t you guys know anything about physics?

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