Future Facts: Light Bulbs


With all of the discussion on being environmental with energy consumption, you are probably wondering what will become of light bulbs. Originally invented by Thomas Edison as part of an elaborate Ponzi Scheme, these ancient devices are ubiquitous in the 2010s. In my time however, light bulbs are really only used by the lumineferously challenged. The luminescent handicapped are people who do not have glow-in-the-dark skin parasites to assist them in dark locations. The luminescent handicapped tend to use super advanced LED light technology that outshine your most powerful spotlights.

Glow-in-the-dark skin parasites have not only infiltrated skin but they’ve infiltrated leaves, trees, and bees (and many other sets of three things that rhyme). Essentially, our world looks like Avatar’s Pandora but on steroids.

Yeah, the parasites are itchy but at least we constantly have good lighting.


In fact the planet is so luminescent that two things have happened. 1. All of the cave creatures that became blind due to a lack of light are now back up to speed with fully functioning eyes and 2. Terraforming of Mars has finally begun as Earth shine acts as a second sun. This sometimes makes it difficult to land on the planet from space but we really don’t want any illegal aliens from Arcturus coming around and taking our space-jobs.

I’m really confused about your primitive situation regarding compact fluorescent lighting. Were you guys deliberately trying to breathe in mercury fumes? In our time, we have a plethora of unused compact fluorescent bulbs and we generally mine them for mercury. Mercury is a crucial vitamin supplement for infants so that we can give them the necessary immunity to the autism virus.

Incandescent light bulbs tend to be worn as assorted jewelry. Many people install sockets into their ears and plug incandescent light bulbs into their socket ears. Some extremely perverse people install sockets in other places. Old fashioned people like me are opposed to this as it clearly states in the Bible that any man who should lie down with an electronic device shall be put to death.

Probably the most useful application of light that we have in the future would be lasers. We generally use lasers to destroy incoming robot drones that continue to try to invade our planet. As the drones are invading, we shine our lasers directly on the robot drones. As we power up our 1 trillion gigawatt lasers, they begin to brighten fantastically. And once they reach full power, we shoot the incoming drones with our fantastically advanced wooden spears. The 1 trillion gigawatt lasers are pretty harmless but it makes our wars interesting by creating a brilliant light show. By the way, these wooden spears are handcrafted by the finest woodsmiths.

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