New Hipster Historical Review: Google+

Hello, Dan von Dan here once again. I would like to apologize for my absence. I went on an extended vacation trip to Central America to do some hard-core spelunking. I’ve spent the past few months deep, deep underground. I was so far underground, the concept of forming a band didn’t exist and it was glorious. Though, it was much better before I discovered it.

However, no longer able to go out in sunlight without judicious slathering of sunscreen has left me indoors, in my basement, with a lot of time to kill. Going through my e-mails I find I’ve been invited to this newfangled Google+. Now, I would say I was into Google+ before you had a Facebook profile, but that would be dishonest. I was into Google+ back in the day when you were still using Yahoo to search the Internet on your 56k modem.  And, as far as social networking goes, I was into that when a social network was the list of phone numbers tacked on the wall somewhere near the phone, which had a cord.

And, the whole idea of circles, really? Are we really pretending that something Euclid was into is hip? They were approximating pi in 1,700 B.C.E. Try harder next time, after all, we’ve now turned wedding invitation and dinner party responses into a method of showing how much we like some banal tripe our friend presumes to have discovered.

Frankly, you’d be hipper standing underneath an elevated highway in the inner city than you would having a Google+ profile.

If anybody +1s me on this, you better bring a dish to dinner with you and your +1.

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