Dear J&D’s Foods,
I am writing today to voice my dissatisfaction with your product. While your “cajunnaise” is in fact delicious, it did not perform as advertised. Specifically, the promise that your product would be “like Mardis Gras in your mouth.” Sirs, I do not know if you have ever conducted an affair of such magnitude in someone’s orifice, but I assure you that your condiment does not compare.
Not only is cajunnaise devoid of alcohol and obnoxious drunk people, but consuming it did not fill my mouth with thousands of cheap beads. Nor did it leave me feeling creeped out as there were no videographers filming the girls going wild in my mouth.
Please do better.